A Chant of Dark and Light

Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey

One dead eye tyrant behind us we head off north to follow the tracks.

We manage to avoid some tricky little dangers – including some odd flying chicken things that apparently can turn a cutter to stone – and then make some short work of scorpion types called Ankhegs that spit this nasty goo at us. Nothing too scary and it’s all going well, I think.

Then we come to a town called Ironridge or something where we come across a big scrap over some amazingly pretty people. I can’t put my finger on it, but they’re fabulous creatures that I just find myself wanting to gaze at for hour upon hour. Mighty impressive. Thing is, other berks have the same notion and they’re all tearing themself to chunks in trying to get at the pair. The guys fight their way through to them and we rush them to a nearby inn where they can get safe. Though I’m having to fight off the urge to lick them head to toe, to be straight with you. Yum.

Anyway, appears they’ve gone and swapped some of the beauty potion things that the lizards carry for some bub. The guys tell the couple to lie low and after a good night’s sleep we head off again.

Then it gets weird once more. This ruddy great walking tower comes up to us and this odd little human – not much taller than me would you believe – beckons us in. We go inside and get served delicious food and wine by the spell-slinger’s monkeys. Nice stuff, but turns out he’s a leatherhead: he keeps sneaking off to talk to some gems he has next door. He insists we run up north to where the lizard trail is too… on the plus side, we make great time: on the down side, he angers the Norns (some God types) that my chums tell me live in the forest up there.

While he’s showing my pals the tower’s top, I decide to er…check on those gems. To see they’re safe and all that, you know? Anyway, as I get there the chest they were in is vamoosed and, in front of my eyes, so is the wall that separated them from the eating room. It becomes clear that the whole tower is a vanishing bit by bit as we watch. We don’t hang around any more after we clock that, though none of us quite make it to the bottom before nature helps us out as the tower goes completely. It’s not too bad a fall for me, to be fair. We hit the ground and all that’s left of the little wizard and his mighty tower is a pile of confused monkeys that are heading in to the trees…whatever next?


Cockatrices. Bloody petrificationin’ cockatrices. Who knew that a crappy ol’ Bag o’ Tricks can be so useful? I slings a ball which turns into a rat, an the cockatrices take off after this easy meal. Sorted. It gets better, as we see a village an’ its idiots fightin’ over 2 fugglies who are suspiciously pretty, I mean, jus’ look at what Norbert is like; that lil’ guy is like a dretch tryin’ to dry hump a leg to get at em. Anyways, we get em free of their rabid crowd o’ admirers an gets the chant from em about how these lizards swap some beauty potions for some bub. Talk about cheap. Anyways,we finds out the potions wear off in a week or so, so we heads north after the lizzies.

On the ways we sees this huge walkin’ tower on 4 legs, and some wierdo mage pilotin’ it with a horde of highly trained monkeys. Off guy, but he gives us a lift, tho he don’t half seem keen to track down the lizzies and the potions they have. Coulda been problems in the future if he sees what we’s up to, but more on that later. He has a nice kip, sure nuff, and as much as I like monkeys I’m well wary about eatin and drinkin what they’s offerin. So, we keeps plowin’ on full pelt north, and I knows thats through Norn territory; Norns are Big Players who don’t much like weedy mortals comin’ roun’ their gaff and bein’ all bolshy, so here’s me tryin’ to jimmy some sense into the mad little wizard fella ‘bout not peein’ off the Fates, and he keeps right on actin’ like a berk into the woody foresty Norny Territory. I’m no mug, so I make my excuses and “look for the lil’ ladies room”, and I’m out of sight and lookin’ for the emergency exit, when I hears the words from the guys that stuff is starting to disappear, includin’ the berk wizard. I knows the Fates is at it, and I make real quick like down the stairs, so I only fall a little ways into some comfy leaves when the whole tower vanishes. So now this is it, me’n the guys and a whole horde of monkeys lookin’ at one another. Norns musta realized we’s ok, but in my ‘sperience it don’t do to expect the gratitude o’ Powers to last, so we’d better get to gittin out Norn lands, kick the bahookeys o’ the lizards and get back to Sigil as the Big Damned Heroes we are. Or summat’ like it real soon.


Well those people deserved what they got – up to a point. That’s what happens when people take advantage of ill-gotten gains and yield to power of temptation, all to boost their looks and their egos. It’s hard to feel sympathy for them, but I couldn’t stand by and allow that unruly mob tear them and themselves apart. So out with the trusty sap. I didn’t really expect to have to use it here, but old habits die hard. Biff! Bash! Cosh!

Following the trail and we meet a moving castle with an obsessed mage. When he learns we are on the trail of these snakes he is (over)eager to invite us to ride with him. Unfortunately his mind has become unbalanced. Before we can help him see the error of his ways, he disappears! Turns out that in his rush to get more of the beauty potion he has angered the Norns. His castle starts to vanish from under us! We rush down to the lowest point before falling to the ground with a clang. Oh well, back to walking again…


What a loss… some much to learn and all gone…. words fail me….


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